Even though she denies it

An is getting better. She's been in the hospital a week, and with regular nutritious meals, she has put on 1.2kgs. I told Wing she looked like she has put a bit of weight on. I was right. She now weighs 40.2 kgs, up from 39. Of course, she said she's losing weight, but Depression Troll is a liar.

She has had some positive results with the anti-depressant she was put on. The dosage was increased slightly (she was told this would happen) and she's not happy about it, but does take it, more out of irrational fear (she thinks "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" was a documentary), rather than knowing it will make her better. Don't care, the end result will be the same.

We brought her some slippers and some track pants that we picked up at the store. OCD kicked in, and she was working herself into quite a state. Trudi came in (bless her and her infinite patience and skill at nursing) is one of the nurses that isn't 'nice', and told An to calm down over and over in a very soothing yet with firm voice, that she was working her self up over nothing. An might not have calmed down, but she stopped OCDing over it.

She is getting better, even if she refuses to or can't see it.

Resized cat enclosure all set up with new litter tray and fresh litter. Yin was very happy to have company, and Alan brushed her out. She liked it.

An's recovery is slow going, but it's going. And she will get better.

Group meeting

Definitely not the funnest thing to attend, but very necessary.

Without going into details: Prognosis good. An is already having a small measure of improvement. Nothing to write home about, and (No, An) not enough that she will be allowed to return to outpatient. We tried outpatient. It didn't work.

She has a major amount of resentment, and funnily enough, not towards me, but towards Wing for admitting her to the hospital.

Good News: all her tests came back, and there's nothing physically wrong. Even CT scan of brain is clear of Alzheimer, lesions, or other abnormalities. it's going to be a slow road to recovery, but she can and will recover.

Funny the things you read on "thar interwebs"

I've been watching Carl Sagan's "COSMOS". I thought it would be great if I could find it as an audio book. I looked, and could only find two Sagan books, neither of which were "COSMOS".

What I found funny was this: On Amazon dot com, some bright spark bought a printed in 1982 copy of "COSMOS". He gave the book a one star rating because the info in the book was 'dated'. What.. the..fu...? A 30 yr old book, and he's surprised the newer physics discoveries aren't in it?

I told him "Complaining that a 30 year old book you bought has dated info is rather silly, isn't it?"

But I digress: Audio book. I couldn't find one anywhere, so I came up with this idea: I have the DVDs, Who better to narrate COSMOS than Carl Sagan. (whistles innocently)

Translating her comments

Wing visited his mom last night, and we have translated what she meant about the hospital staff not treating her well.  The carers/nurses who don't allow her to sit in her room refusing to eat, and walk her to the dining room to take her meals, and making sure she eats, gives her her medication and makes sure she takes it are the ones 'not treating her well/not nice'. 

Again, even though she denies it, she is better rested. I wouldn't be surprised if she put on a wee bit of weight after just a week there. Not so much from just eating regularly, but from not getting up in the early hours of the morning, and surgically cleaning the house from top to bottom every day, and stressing out about everything.

We also learned what she is calling the 'house falling down around her ears'. All houses get what's called 'settling cracks' in paint or plaster. Typically, you just get some filler, smooth some in, and repaint or re-plaster. Again, she isn't having any of that. Yes, I know her inability to accept anything other than her negative world views are part and parcel of her depression.

Working on some of my herb plants

What I thought was dirt on my sage plant,  tossed up by the recent rain, turned out to be white aphid type insects. The poor plant is infested with them. 

Just spent about an hour  rummaging around for plant pots, then clipping off healthy-ish parts of the sage plant, cleaning/removing as many of the insects as possible, spritzing them with an organic insecticide (watched the rest of the bugs just fall off YAY), rinsed them, dipped cut end into cutting powder and planted about a half dozen of them.

Might have to buy fresh sage for a while, but with luck I'll have another crop of sage in a while.

It was like the twilight zone

Visited Wing 's mom at the hospital.  It was surreal, bordering on bizarre. First she insisted we had been waiting for a long time. No, we had only gotten there. Then it got odd.

She insists the place is filthy. The place is spotless, and I mean spotless. But to her, because she hasn't been the one making her skin raw scrubbing it, the place is filthy.  We gently told her, no it isn't, but she was having none of that.  I pretended I had to use the public restroom, and went out to tell her care nurse, because they need to be informed about her worries/delusions.

We gave her the bag with her clothing in is and she did nothing but go tsk tsk and moan, saying how nothing was suitable. It's her regular around the house clothing, pretty much what everyone there is wearing.  Then she was worried someone was going to steal them.

We also told her we are allowed to bring her dietary supplements from home, the ones she used to taking. That's when she starts in on that she has to take what they give her only, and if she complains, they will drug her even more. Again, not true, but nothing we can do to dissuade her.

Next, I missed a phone call. Whoever was trying to call me, then called Wing. He took it out of her room.  She then gets this very cunning, yet paranoid look on her face, and tiptoes to the door in an effort to eavesdrop. I speak loud enough so not only An could hear me, but Wing could as well. So he walked further down the hall out of her earshot.

That's when she started in on about how she was a prisoner being held captive against her will. Gently told no, she's in a hospital because she is unwell, and when she becomes well, she can go home.

There is a spot of good news. Although she denies it, she looks much better rested than she did last time I saw her.  And the nurses there aren't letting her get away with just hiding in her room and refusing to eat. Two of them gently, yet firmly, escort her to the dining room, put her meals in front of her, and she's not allowed to leave until she's finished.  So, not only is she sleeping, she is eating balanced, nutritional meals.

Kind of knew this was where we were headed

Mom-in-law is in the hospital. The psychiatrist and psychiatric nurse looked at her, spoke to her for about a minute, and they gently, yet firmly escorted her to the car and transported her to the hospital for immediate admission.

She's ill. In heart, mind and body. She's not thinking clearly because of the depression/malnutrition/insomnia. Nothing we say or try to do help her or get help TO her got through the filter of depression. She needs to be made well, and can't see past her anxiety and paranoia that we're or someone is out to get her. 

Of course, she didn't see it this way. When I arrived at the hospital, she loudly proclaimed her rights have been taken away, and she had been kidnapped.  I didn't laugh at her, but I did smile and tell her no, that she's ill, and she's somewhere to get her well again.

Wing is in a state. Blames himself. I checked that right away, asking him "Are you a mental health expert?" (no) "Could you get her medications and force her to take them?" (no) "Horse... water. Get it now?"  (yes)

It's not going to be easy. but at least we won't be watching her passively committing suicide by not taking care of herself anymore.

Meeting with the Chung Wah

Might have a spot of hope on the Mother In Law, An.  We arranged a meeting with Chung Wah Association to arrange a carer for An.  We had a lot of arguments of the passive variety.  So far, there has been a weekly shopping trip, and transport to her next doctor's appointment.   We've done a bit of an end run around her, as she is afraid of any expense, and have told CWA to bill us directly, and to not mention anything about the rates to An.

Have arranged for Mark, from Hire a Hubby, to make a small alteration to her cat enclosure, to make things a bit easier. I think the enclosure was supposed to be some sort of Zen garden, and a cat sanctuary, but it turned into a 20x20ft litter box. Well, going to block off a small section with some hinged panels, put some bricks over some of the sand and put a litter box in there for Yin to use. We will have to introduce An to the wonders of clumping cat litter.  Also, she isn't going to see that bill either.

I know she wants some control in her life, but since she's having trouble making decisions, and when she does make decisions, they're downright dangerous, we need to step up and give her a hand up.

Got the proof we needed

We thought Ziggy was opening the door, and even saw the after effects of her doing it. But this time I cold busted her.



I knew persistence would pay off, and I would get photos of her doing this. If I didn't have the door latched up higher (which she then stretched and tried to reach THAT) she would have pulled the door open and snuck out.

I think we have to do something a bit more drastic

After hearing what's been happening when Wing  goes to visit An, with Alan going along, the more we are thinking she's got dementia and is irrational.

1: She says hot water system, newly installed because she said the other one wasn't working, is also faulty. Wing turns on the water, waits until it gets warm, uses appropriate amount of cold water to prevent scalding. Water stays consistently warm. When he points this out to her, she said no, it's faulty, and 'proves it' by shutting off the cold water, thereby having nothing by scalding hot water coming out. "See, the temperature changes".  Neither Wing or Alan telling her that's normal if you turn off the cold water matters one iota.

2: Claims medication for depression gave her diarrhea. Turns out she's pouring fresh milk into smaller old milk container, topping it up, because the smaller container is easier to handle. Bets? Of course, now she is refusing to take anything for her depression, which is making her OCD/insomnia/memory problems accelerate.

3: Claims plumbing leaks. When you shut off water in the kitchen, the pressure forced two, count them, two drops of water left in the pipes to drip from bathroom tap.

4: On the advise of a 'friend' (we want to have words with this friend.. so rather harsh ones) she keeps saying she wants to Euthanize the cat. But thinks all this means is the cat will nap more often, cannot get her head around the fact that this means the cat will be dead.

5: Is now saying anything we do for her will give her a heart attack.

6: Thinks we're 'out to get her'.

We might end up having to put her in a constant care facility, one that will make her take her medication, make sure she eats, and prevents her from OCD cleaning a 2 story house from top to bottom for 12+ hours every day, for a couple of months. She can't keep going on like this, and neither can Wing. We aren't equipped to handle someone who is mentally ill due to depression. But we love her and want to get her as well as humanly possible.

Yeah, right, but all I care about it myself and want her turfed out and alone. (can't tell you how much I cried privately when I heard that's what she really thought of me)

Well, wasn't that 'special'

Wing  and I have been doing every and anything we can do to make his mom, An, safe, happy and living well.  She has depression, anxiety, OCD, and she is anorexic. Also, her hypochondria is in full swing, adding to her delightful attitude.  Everything we have tried to do for her, or arrange to have done, she says no. No, no, no no no.

Well, she crossed a line tonight. I've always known she didn't 'approve' of her son's choice of wife, but hey, I can deal with that. But tonight, she let her true feelings out. She pretty much thinks I'm a gold digger after her money. Uhh, sorry, no. I've been four square in favor of her selling off a block of land and getting a custom built house for her, one designed to her needs and specifications. She keeps going on and on about how she wants to leave us (Wing) a legacy, but both he and I say we don't want it.

I told Wing that I want nothing to do with her. I've been dragged down that black path, totally mindf**ked by someone else with depression who refused to have anything done about it, and I refuse to do it again. I will be there for him, to support and care for him, but no, not her. Not until she gets better.

Well, that's a spot of good news

As I posted earlier, my Canon 5DMkIII was having dust/dirt building up in the viewfinder after I sent the camera off to have a battery draining problem fixed, because of Canon Repair fixing a 'light leak' problem, that I had nary an issue with.

I sent Canon an email, and one of their reps called me, and told me they would review the problem and my comments, which I took to mean "Suck it up, we're going to charge you some more."

I was wrong. Both the focus screen and prism have been replaced, and I haven't been billed for it. I guess I was right as to how the dust was finding it's way in.

It's alive... IT'S ALIVE..

Or at least running the way I want it.

Figured out the "windows explorer crashing when copying and pasting" on my own. My ability to troubleshoot, research, try different things, and then and only then open a support request is why even though I give them all the information, even step by step what I've already done, I'm treated like a know nothing.

So, I fixed the problem. Then I found a Windows 8 Aero Tweak tool that works (still in beta, so I get a nag screen every once in a while, but have told the programmer I wouldn't have a problem buying it when it comes out commercially, as long as the nag screen goes away).

Made the touch pad a little less sensitive. No more moving cursor but accidentally moving oxygen molecules over it.

Still no BSODs after the Windows welcome screen anymore. I still believe that even though the laptop was sold with Windows 7 installed, it was built for Windows 8. I wonder how many other Sony Vaios have been having a lot of BSODs at welcome screen?

All up and running... with one exception

Windows 8 upgrade went fairly smooth. Didn't have all the hug issues I had with it last time, as the update was Win 8.1 not just v8. Still had a bunch of updates to install and set up.

The one thing I had a problem with, again, with the Native Windows Copy/Paste crashing Windows Explorer. I uninstalled all the 3rd party file managers, but to no avail. Copy/Paste still crashes when I try to drag and drop, or right click/copy/paste.

There was also the issue of Win8 desktop colors... to say they're hideous is insulting hideous, IMO. I managed to find something to help with that. Less eyebending color theme.

Wing didn't understand why I did this. The thing is, this laptop was Windows 8 ready, but was one of the last ones shipped out with Windows 7. I l also kept having boot up BSODs with it running Win 7. No amount of tweaks, driver updates, driver roll backs, hardware removals fixed it.

Installed Win 8 and must have rebooted at least 20 times, and not one boot up BSOD, which leads me to believe that upgrading to Win 8 on this particular computer was a good idea.

"All chickens coming home to roost"...

To say the past few weeks have been stressful, would be an understatement.  It's caught up to both Wing and me.  Feel emotionally and physically wrung out.  Trying to rest hasn't been a simple matter of closing eyes.

Going to go try now, early-[ish for me tonight.

Now the real hurt starts

It's not the funeral that rips you apart. It's the realization that now you have to deal with the pain of loss, the feeling of being gutted and to be there for others who may need a shoulder to lean on.

Platitudes just don't cut it.  I will miss Sue, my "Mommy Down Under".  I have an empty space where she used to be.  I know it will get better, but right now..... not so much.

Once more unto the breech...

First, my Canon 5DMkIII kept draining batteries within hours. Turned out to have a short in the battery terminals. I sent it in to have just that fixed.  When I got it back, the repair sheet said you also fixed a 'light leak', something I didn't have an issue with. After I got the camera back, I, and one of the techs, at Camera Electronic noticed a 'squiggle' of dust in the view finder. I figured it was just one squiggle, and ignored it.

I shouldn't have because more dust motes showed up to the point it was impeding my vision through the viewfinder.  I brought the camera into Camera Electronic, thinking the sensor or mirror needed to be cleaned, and it turns out that somehow dust is getting sucked up into the prism. It didn't have this problem all the months prior to the battery terminal/light leak repair. And that includes trips to the Pinnacles,  Trigg Beach, and other sandy environs.

As this camera is barely past the 12 month warranty, and this wasn't a problem prior to them dismantling the camera to do the 'light leak fix', I should not have to pay to have it fixed yet again. Or maybe just have it replaced as it seems to be a lemon.

Of course, when I explained this to the Canon Repair Rep, I was told "we'll look into it, and review it", which I take to be the politest "Kiss off, we're going to soak you for some more money."

If I wasn't so heavily invested, I would jump ship to a different brand, because I seem to have the worst f**king luck when it comes to high end Canon gear. Two L series lenses needing repair, now the 5DMkIII needing a 2nd repair? 

I really don't need this shit right now.

Dear Adobe, pull the other one. It has bells on it

I got only what I can call a 'propaganda' email from Adobe titled "What are the common myths about Adobe Creative Cloud?", singing the praises of how just wonderful Creative Cloud is.   All I can think is that their move to mandatory subscription only isn't taking off as they thought it would. And some of the myths they listed, I've never heard.  All I can think of is people who are really tech naive would have said these 'myths'.

Other than that, Adobe still doesn't address certain things that users have asked about.

If I don't want to rent anymore, how do I open or access the files? 

You're still stuffed and stuck paying rental/subscriptions fees in perpetuity if you want to use your images/work, if you don't have an older working copy of Photoshop that isn't cloud based.

So far, if I want to keep using the same tools/plug ins that I use with CS6 46bit, I will have to us CC 32bit. So, I will be staying with CS6 (and I still have CS5)

Enervating and exhausting

We had the meeting at Wing 's mom's house, with the doctor and nurse. Her depression is as obvious as the rising sun. She is, no joke, crippled with it. Turns out she was proscribed anti depressants.. took 2 pills, said they made her dopey, and then stopped taking them, and didn't tell her GP.

It was heart-wrenching to watch her worrying about every little thing as if it was a matter of life and death. Her house is so clean, an anal retentive Marine drill instructor would be proud. But to her, it's a slovenly mess, something that she she strip cleans every day, starting from the top to the bottom.

If there is heavy rain with wind, she might get an overflowing gutter, with MAYBE some water dribbling into the house. But to her, it's falling down around her ears. She obsesses over the slightest thing, until the point of full blown agitation/hand wringing/constant pacing. She's worried about being a burden. Wing told her that the only way that would happen is if she didn't do anything to treat the depression.

The goodish news is we might have gotten through to her, and got the ball rolling on getting her some assistance. We have to get her eating regularly, and better nutrition, sleeping better, and feeling better. Possibly a companion to drop in on a daily basis, even if it's just for a cup of tea and a natter.

Bells Rapids Photoshoot

Photoshoot in Brigadoon W.A. Absolutely beautiful spot for photography, but as one person described walking the trails as "The Death March". Both Wing and I climbed one hill, saw another even steeper hill, looked at each other and said "nope". Between his knee and my left leg, there was no way would could climb the hill and be able to walk today.

Got some great images using ND and Polarizer filters, giving water both a glass look, and a misty look.













Monochrome Version..............................................................................Color Version