Not too much happening

Still recovering from upper respiratory infection. I don't mind taking the antibiotics, but that steroid inhaler makes everything taste funny, even if I rinse and brush.

Been thinking at lot about Loki. I miss him so much, but I'm so grateful that the last few weeks, he would seek me out, and I would make a blanket bed on my desk for him, or he would snug up to my leg on the footstool. I think he was seeking me out for whatever comfort as only his human could give him. 

I'm still having trouble reconciling a otherwise healthy cat getting oral cancer.  But I knew on that day, I had to let him go, no matter how much heartache it gave me.

I remember telling him, when I first picked him up at Cat Haven, some day you're going to break my heart.

It's been a crap week

Last Sunday, when walking around a corner to MiL's favorite noodle house, I walked into a thick cloud of cigarette smoke. In one day, I went from an asthmatic with seasonal allergies to having a severe upper respiratory infection.  The high fever gave me something else, too, but hey, gotta keep something out of the public.

Of course, my GP Dr H was on vaycay (Grand Finals) and I couldn't get an appointment with the doc covering his patients.

I put a call out to the group mind, aka Facebook, to ask what to do.  And I got results. Doctor's on Demand. Only irritation I had was I paid for a 15 min video consultation, and got a 4 min 15 second phone call.  Regardless, I did get the needed antibiotics, and BONUS! a steroid inhaler.

I am feel physically better (still coughing, but no blood anymore), but I also at the same time feel so much pain. This is the first time I have been seriously ill and not have Loki there with me.  I haven't been able to rest/sleep during the day, because he isn't there. He would curl up next to or on me, emitting a low rumbling purr until I fell asleep. He would be there when I woke up. Wing and Alan keep telling me to go take a nap, and I just put on the proper face, smile and say not sleepy. I run myself into exhaustion so when I do go to bed, the pain because of the empty place where he should be fades. Only to have to go through it again another day.

I knew it was bound to happen

And it did, last night.

We had our first feline interloper in our back yard last night. It walked around the back yard, unchallenged. Without the voice of Loki, Lord of the Manor, and his scent lessened, if not totally washed away by the recent rain, it was bound to happen.

I just didn't know it would be so soon.

It’s been too quiet

Loki's absence is truly felt. No snoring which could be heard from across the room. No rumbling purr. Even the kittens (who aren't really kittens anymore) aren't as vocal.  They keep looking for him. I know how they feel.

I have Loki's urn on my desk, slightly in the way of viewing my monitor, in keeping with how he would do so in life.

I miss my constant companion. I miss my left leg being warmed by him laying against it, resting his head on my shin. I miss shutting things down, and looking over to him and saying "I'm going to bed. You coming?" and him getting up and following me.

More that i miss:

His night time snuggling/cuddling.
Him head-butting my hand in the morning, followed by using his head to shove my sleep mask off.
Meowing and snogging my ear and nose to get me up in the morning.
Following me around for my daily walk outside.
Keeping me company when I did some gardening.

Loki, I will forever miss you in my life.

The Lord of the Manor has passed

Loki, my beautiful cat, has crossed the rainbow bridge. We took him to the vet this evening, in hopes that some antibiotics and pain meds would ease his discomfort for a little while longer, but alas, that wasn't meant to be.

The cancer had spread very rapidly and was now over the back of his tongue. It was only because I asked him that he ate yesterday. That was his last 'rally'. The sarcoma was not only infected by necrotic. All there would be left for Loki was slow, painful starvation. I made the decision, as much as my heart and soul screamed for me to take him home with me just for a few more days.

We were given a room. I combed him into blissful relaxation, and waved for the vet to enter when she ever so gently knocked.  The 'sleep' shot... it wasn't even halfway emptied and his head fell into my hand. I cupped it until the rest of it was injected. 

He has no more pain now, but I am shattered.  I want my imperious Lord of the Manor, on my desk, demanding to be brushed. 

If only love could actually have healed.

I had to call South Street Vet.

Loki got a bit of food stuck on his back teeth, and bit down, biting his tongue. Yes, it bled.  Then I noticed he's sneezing, and checked him. Sure enough, the yearly sinus infection.

Dr M answered the phone, and I described what had happened, and thankfully, he understood my not wanting to stress Loki out any more than necessary.  Have new meds waiting for him.  

I know everything we're doing for him is in 'the short term', but at 16 years old, everything is in the short term.

I know this sounds gross, but it works.

If because of over load of drool because of the medication, or just difficultly in his picking up something to eat, I dump the bits of beef into a paper towel, and blot the slobber off of them, and wipe dish, replace beef bits and he eats them all. And Dr M did say the length of time left is linked to his being able to eat.  #felinecancersucks

I feel as if I have been awake for days

It was an emotional day. We found out that Meloxicam is Loki's best course at this time. It will reduce the swelling of the ulcer, and kill the pain.  It's working if his wanting to be fed several times a day since being on a regular dose schedule. He's also been climbing up on me for a cuddle, which he hadn't done in weeks.

I had been holding it together since Loki's cancer diagnosis. I lost that 'tough stuff' shell yesterday. Just saying his name and the tears started. Once they started, it was really difficult to get them under control, so I didn't try. My body feel so sore. Amazing how much of your musculature is involved in crying.

That's about all. I am going to take it easy today. Not that I really have a choice. Just doing the dishes makes me want to take a nap

What a difference just one second makes

I went to chop up Loki's food, as his gums are still sore from the dental scaling. Put the cat food in the receptacle, applied stick blender,  but just for one second longer than needed.  It turn the cubes of cat food into mush. Oops

So, that means one of two things:

1: Beef is tough

2: Turkey is more tender.

The shock of Loki's cancer diagnosis has passed... sort of

We can't go reading more than what is normal cat behavior as something nefarious. 

Yes, we knew at 16 years old, our time with Loki is limited, but we didn't expect the time to be so cruelly pushed forward in such a manner.  The thing is, he doesn't know he's ill. And for as long as he is not in pain, still doing all things a cat does, he will be loved and cared for.

Anyone with a pet knows that someday, that pet will break their hearts. I even said it to "Arty" (his name before he earned his name) when I first cradled him in my arms. "One day, you're going to break my heart."  Not broken yet, but there are cracks. And they hurt.

I think we might be living over a radioactive site

I bring Loki to the vet for a dental scaling, and am rewarded with the knowledge that he has aggressive non-squamous cell cancer under his tongue, not just an infected cut as the vet thought it was.

I am fucking gutted over this.  Yes, I know Loki is 16 years old, but he is HEALTHY. Heart, lungs, kidneys, liver, all the things that are supposed to start failing are as healthy as a 10 year old cat. What's the fucking good of being healthy?

I have no idea how the young'uns are going to handle it. Groo and Drax have glommed onto Loki, as he has never done anything to hurt them, and has even licked their faces clean. 

Dr M said it's just bad luck to have 4 cats, with 4 different kinds of terminal cancer.

We will have to play this by ear. Since this tumor can't be totally removed, how about removing part of it when it makes eating difficult?  I know that would be a stop gap, but as long as he's eating, sleeping, grooming, purring, just being a cat, I want to give him as much quality time as I can, and me enough time to try to come to terms with this... if I ever will.

The art of the polite, and public, complaint

I had been wrangling (textually) with PetCover regarding Loki's lumpectomy. And after many of what I took to be (and were) condescending and patronizing replies, I let my fingers do the walking, and gave them a 1 star rating on Google Review, and with out rancor I typed up the time line of everything that happened.

Someone from the parent company replied, but I hadn't bothered to read it.

Next day, I got a phone call from M***. He told me this entire mess was because he has misread my email, thought I wanted it canceled. Not only is Loki's insurance reinstated (with handy dandy monthly installments instead of huge lump sum) but a huge hunk of change was rebated from his lumpectomy.

I am very satisfied with this outcome, but why the heck didn't they do this at the outset, instead of leaving me in tears over them canceling Loki's policy, then denying the claim?  Well, we are all human and make mistakes, and I for one am grateful to M*** for getting this tangled mess straightened out. Thank you.

Loki is recovering faster than I am.

He had surgery on his hock/ankle. I had surgery on my knee. Two weeks later, he's walking around and the only evidence of surgery is the very short furred area that had to be shaved.

Me? 7 weeks on and I still have to use a cane around the house, and crutches.

Yes, there are some days I wish I was a cat.

And typing about Loki, I showed his histopathology report to someone. She said there were a lot of mights, maybes, could bes in it. IOWs they had no idea what the growth is. Just wait to see if it comes back.

And the hits just keep coming

Loki's lump was sent to pathology. Results aren't the same as the last lump. It isn't a lipoma, but soft tissue sarcoma. The vet said there was no way to get 'clean margins' as it was on his ankle.

Vet said it would grow back quickly, too.  He said the only way to make sure all the sarcoma is gone is to amputate his back leg. He's 15, almost 16 years old. I don't know if he would recover from it.

4 Cats with different types of cancer. Vets keep saying it's 'bad luck'.  My heart feels like it's breaking.

Seems my early rising wasn't Loki's fault.

Alan told me that Wing didn't go to bed until 2 a.m. as he was up working into the wee hours. That threw Loki's schedule off. If Wing was up, that meant it was time for Loki's cuddle, as he is a creature of habit.

Really, Loki?

Loki has gotten this habit of waking me up in the middle of the night with a "pet me, cuddle me, shift your pillows so I can snuggle up with at the head of the bed."

I sleep for shit as it is. How do I get him back to doing this cuddle routine about 6 a.m. instead of 2 or 3 a.m.?

Sometimes, just the little things

I was getting ready for a shower, with Loki meowing almost non-stop. He was in a tizzy that I was going to go into the dreaded 'rain closet'. AGAIN!

So, I'm in the shower, listening to Loki's almost operatic meowing for about 5 minutes. As I was putting on my terrycloth robe, he yowled, ran up to me, and would not let me leave the bathroom until he was certain I had survived the rain closet, and that he personally 'dried off' my foot and leg. 

After I passed his inspection, I was allowed to leave the bathroom and to wander around the house. :)

Not wearing leg rig right now

When I have the brace on, and leg propped up, I get nagged by Loki, and like most cats, he using his paws (and the very tip of his claws) to get my attention. Then there's the nipping. He gets a bit 'bitey'  when he doesn't get what he wants, WHEN he wants it.  I have a myriad of little scratches between my ankle and where the bottom of the brace.

I have my leg propped up on the footstool, but if Loki starts making a pest of himself, I can, and do, push the footstool to the other side of the room.  But I can't do this if I'm wearing the brace.  But now, my knee hurts. 

I guess it was inevitable.

After Loki did his impression of a gymnast mounting a balance beam on my left knee, today I broke out the "Big Bertha" knee brace and strapped it on. Too a while to get the straps just tight enough for it to stay in place, but not so tight to turn my foot blue or numb.

Sad to admit it feels better wearing it. I'm not getting the left /right movement now, and even if Loki pulls a repeat of yesterday, the brace hinges will prevent hyper extension.

I miss bloggers

And blogging.  I miss web BBS forums. Facebook is a pisspoor substitute.

I have to use two different blog posting software. That in itself isn't a problem, but it's the "not suddenly working" with little (or no) forewarning.

Ok, moving on:

Turns out I don't have plantar fasciitis. I have enthesopathy of the plantar tendon.  It's like having a pebble under then skin, between the tendon and bone of the heel.  To say it's painful would be an understatement.  Physio has found a way to tape the heel and arch of foot and it relieves about 98% of the pain. Problem is, I can't keep my foot taped all the time! ARGH!  Might have to see a podiatrist. Dammit, I'm not old enough to need orthotics!

Onto my rant about Twitter (and what followed).  It would have been nice to have them send an email, or maybe an ironic SMS, to say they were discontinuing being able to receive SMS notifications.  I thought my phone was faulty, went to Telstra to find out why I couldn't send text messages to Twitter, and why my Caller ID was coming up as PRIVATE NUMBER.  The girl there couldn't figure it out, and suggested I recontract early, and see if that and a new sim card would fix it. It did not.  She told me I should call Tech Support (which I did, but that's a different story which I will add after this) What she didn't tell me was recontracting cancelled my "StayConnected" subscription.  I figured out why the Caller ID wasn't working, it was because of Samsung firmware update.  It added a new setting I had to untick.

Moving on again, I called Telstra tollfree number, wade through the most annoyingly voiced menus, the type that make you want to grind your teeth to nubs.  The first time I tried, I got disconnected.  I tried again the following day, made it through all the menus and spoke to "Steve",  wonderful support, and when I told him what happened regarding the recontracting, how I wasn't told that it would lead to the cancellation of my StayConnected, he said to go back to that Telstra shop and speak to the manager.  I will as it will be well within my rights to have this new contract revoked and go back to my original contract, including my StayConnected.

Loki, big grey Bengal of ours, has been ill, twice in as many weeks. He was throwing up. Took him to the vet, he was given a shot of anti-nausea medication, some take home antibiotics,  and bloods drawn for tests.  Nothing nefarious in the blood tests, and he stopped barfing.
 
Then a week later, he started sneezing. Not a lot at first, just a few times. Then a half dozen times a day, then so often I called the vet.  Exam and nasal swab taken.  Antibiotics (again) and an anti-inflammatory.  

After a few days, his nose dried out, but he still sneezed, just not as often, or as hard. As Alan described, "He lifted his head, opened his mouth, his eyes would cross, and then he would sneeze two or three times.".  

Call back about the nasal swab results: as yet unidentified bacteria, but it would react/die with the antibiotic he was given.  Brought him back in to the vet this morning for a follow up.  Sneezing a few times, but not constantly, and also no more nasal discharge.  The bacteria was identified, and it's no biggie. 

Consensus was that the smoke from the controlled burn off, people using woodstoves, pollen from all the wonderful blossoming trees/flowers, and using the heat triggered his allergies into overdrive.

Other than that, I haven't been bored. This "Self Isolation" and "Social Distancing"... I've been stuck doing it for the past 2 years because of car accident, followed by pneumonia, then seizures, and to top it off more surgery.  Who knew my life was called "Quarantine"?