The Lord of the Manor has passed

Loki, my beautiful cat, has crossed the rainbow bridge. We took him to the vet this evening, in hopes that some antibiotics and pain meds would ease his discomfort for a little while longer, but alas, that wasn't meant to be.

The cancer had spread very rapidly and was now over the back of his tongue. It was only because I asked him that he ate yesterday. That was his last 'rally'. The sarcoma was not only infected by necrotic. All there would be left for Loki was slow, painful starvation. I made the decision, as much as my heart and soul screamed for me to take him home with me just for a few more days.

We were given a room. I combed him into blissful relaxation, and waved for the vet to enter when she ever so gently knocked.  The 'sleep' shot... it wasn't even halfway emptied and his head fell into my hand. I cupped it until the rest of it was injected. 

He has no more pain now, but I am shattered.  I want my imperious Lord of the Manor, on my desk, demanding to be brushed. 

If only love could actually have healed.

I had to call South Street Vet.

Loki got a bit of food stuck on his back teeth, and bit down, biting his tongue. Yes, it bled.  Then I noticed he's sneezing, and checked him. Sure enough, the yearly sinus infection.

Dr M answered the phone, and I described what had happened, and thankfully, he understood my not wanting to stress Loki out any more than necessary.  Have new meds waiting for him.  

I know everything we're doing for him is in 'the short term', but at 16 years old, everything is in the short term.

I know this sounds gross, but it works.

If because of over load of drool because of the medication, or just difficultly in his picking up something to eat, I dump the bits of beef into a paper towel, and blot the slobber off of them, and wipe dish, replace beef bits and he eats them all. And Dr M did say the length of time left is linked to his being able to eat.  #felinecancersucks

I feel as if I have been awake for days

It was an emotional day. We found out that Meloxicam is Loki's best course at this time. It will reduce the swelling of the ulcer, and kill the pain.  It's working if his wanting to be fed several times a day since being on a regular dose schedule. He's also been climbing up on me for a cuddle, which he hadn't done in weeks.

I had been holding it together since Loki's cancer diagnosis. I lost that 'tough stuff' shell yesterday. Just saying his name and the tears started. Once they started, it was really difficult to get them under control, so I didn't try. My body feel so sore. Amazing how much of your musculature is involved in crying.

That's about all. I am going to take it easy today. Not that I really have a choice. Just doing the dishes makes me want to take a nap

The shock of Loki's cancer diagnosis has passed... sort of

We can't go reading more than what is normal cat behavior as something nefarious. 

Yes, we knew at 16 years old, our time with Loki is limited, but we didn't expect the time to be so cruelly pushed forward in such a manner.  The thing is, he doesn't know he's ill. And for as long as he is not in pain, still doing all things a cat does, he will be loved and cared for.

Anyone with a pet knows that someday, that pet will break their hearts. I even said it to "Arty" (his name before he earned his name) when I first cradled him in my arms. "One day, you're going to break my heart."  Not broken yet, but there are cracks. And they hurt.

I think we might be living over a radioactive site

I bring Loki to the vet for a dental scaling, and am rewarded with the knowledge that he has aggressive non-squamous cell cancer under his tongue, not just an infected cut as the vet thought it was.

I am fucking gutted over this.  Yes, I know Loki is 16 years old, but he is HEALTHY. Heart, lungs, kidneys, liver, all the things that are supposed to start failing are as healthy as a 10 year old cat. What's the fucking good of being healthy?

I have no idea how the young'uns are going to handle it. Groo and Drax have glommed onto Loki, as he has never done anything to hurt them, and has even licked their faces clean. 

Dr M said it's just bad luck to have 4 cats, with 4 different kinds of terminal cancer.

We will have to play this by ear. Since this tumor can't be totally removed, how about removing part of it when it makes eating difficult?  I know that would be a stop gap, but as long as he's eating, sleeping, grooming, purring, just being a cat, I want to give him as much quality time as I can, and me enough time to try to come to terms with this... if I ever will.

Booked Trance for an ultrasound

Wing was on pins and needles the night before. Still was when he took her in at her 11am appointment.

Results: She's free of any other growths/tumors.  Wing pretty much sagged with relief, and said "YES!"  Now, she will go in for scans every 3 to 6 months. IOWs, as soon as her fur grows back, it had to get shaved again

And the hits just keep coming

Loki's lump was sent to pathology. Results aren't the same as the last lump. It isn't a lipoma, but soft tissue sarcoma. The vet said there was no way to get 'clean margins' as it was on his ankle.

Vet said it would grow back quickly, too.  He said the only way to make sure all the sarcoma is gone is to amputate his back leg. He's 15, almost 16 years old. I don't know if he would recover from it.

4 Cats with different types of cancer. Vets keep saying it's 'bad luck'.  My heart feels like it's breaking.

I don't know if I can go through this again

Trance and Loki both had lumps removed a week ago Saturday. Samples were sent off to pathology.

Trance has hemangiosarcoma (HSA) is a cancer that arises from malignant blood vessel cells and is an uncommon cancer in cats. It is a very aggressive cancer that spreads (metastasis) early and is associated with a poor prognosis. The underlying cause of HSA is unknown. Vet said it was just bad luck, because it's usually in dogs, not cats. And if it is in cats it usually in light furred outdoor cats, and Trance is a dark furred indoor cat.

I haven't been able to completely stop crying. First it was Ziggy, then Keito, and now Trance? Three different types of cancer, each of them 'bad luck'? I feel as if my heart is being crushed.

I miss you.

I miss you. I catch myself watching and waiting for you to come out of your hidey-hole in the closest.  Or waiting for you to come into the bathroom when I'm 'busy', to demand pats and pets. Looking for you in the window, 'solar charging'.

I miss the feel of your light landing on the bed, and the delicate way you would start walking up my foot, ankle, leg, hip, side, to sit on my arm/shoulder to bat and paff me on the cheek, or nose. Or to gently bite my cheek, purring so hard
. 
I miss you peeking at me over the curtain, meowing because it was "Time to eat!".  I miss that when you were standing at the side door, you would look at my reflection, right into my eyes, and know that was me, meow to be let out to sit on your cushion. I miss you knocking on the door to be let back in. I miss you meeping at me when I said "Echo, bedroom light on" thinking I was talking to you.

I miss how you never left my side when I was sick, or would stay with me after I got home from being at the hospital, and how you would let me 'cry in your fur' when I was down.

I miss you in a myriad of small ways, that has left a hole in me, that will take a long time to heal.

I miss you.

#keito

Keito is home

I've placed the toy mice he would hoard, and the laser pointer that gave him so many hours of play time trying to catch the red bug next to his urn.  My heart is both breaking and numb at the same time. 

RIP Keito

Keito, my 'babykitty', who I have had since he was 5 weeks old, is gone. We helped him cross the rainbow bridge at 11:38pm, October 5, 2019.

This morning is the first time I haven't greeted by him. I wasn't followed into the bathroom, my glasses ear pieces weren't snogged and chewed on, my fingers weren't licked and nibbled on, and my jewelry/watch cheek rubbed on.  I miss his sound, his silky soft fur, and his calm loving personality.

He was mine and I was his.  I feel as if I've had a limb removed, or a big chunk of my heart.  I think part of me has died inside as well.

Yes, funeral arrangements for our beloved cat

Have made arrangements for Ziggy's remains to be cremated and placed in an appropriate urn. Will have some of her ashes sealed in a locket, and some of her fur also sealed in another locket. Some of her ashes will be placed in a lined velvet bag, which will be buried in her favorite spot in the yard.
 
This was Ziggy before she was ill, and this is how I want to remember her.

Thank you, Lawnswood, for all your assistance.

Ziggy is gone

At 10:17pm, September 4th, 2019, Ziggy was helped across the rainbow bridge.  She had been rallying but she took a sudden down turn, was laboring to breathe.  Took her to emergency Vet, and ultra sound showed her cancer had progressed to the point that it was only the fresh O2 feed keeping her oxygenated.  Move the O2 and she would start gasping with her mouth open again.
It was time.
We made the heartbreaking choice, while she was purring, alert and calm, to help her cross.  We all spent some time with her, and when she was given a relaxing sedative, her head drooped, and she stopped breathing. She had been breathing from sheer force of her will. When she was given the sleep shot, it took took less than 2 second for her heart to stop. She was ready. 
We gave her g’bye cuddles, whispered in her ear how much we loved her.
Heartbroken now. I see her things, like her basket, empty.  I’m going to have to do something to remove these reminders, or I will be crying every few minutes.

Ziggy had a seizure

Ziggy just had an episode of thrashing around, as if in a panic. Then she was gasping for air, as if she couldn't breathe. I managed to get her untangled from the computer cords, as this happened while she was on the towel covered box on the battery back up.

She ok, or as ok as she can be right now, but we needed to have her seen by the vet.

Vet said it was an idiopathic seizure. And since it's not happening all the time, and that she is bright and alert (even though with all our feeding her she's still losing weight) and eating, drinking, walking around, using her litter box, she will be with us for a while longer.
When we got home, I warmed a plate, cut up some beef on the warm plate so it wouldn't cook, and carried it into the room where she was. She poked her head out of the top of the basket and YOWLED to be fed. Ate everything, and tube treat! Yeah, she will be here for a while longer. Just weeks, but it will have to be enough.

When  she can't get around on her own, or starts soiling herself, and refusing to eat anything.... then it will be 'that time'.

Keito, two plus weeks post op

He's definitely put some weight back on. He no longer has bony face/cheeks.  Also, his back doesn't feel like a stegosaurus, meaning weight gain. Called South Street Vet to postpone Keito's fructosamine test, as he was at the vet overnight a few times the past month, and his BGLs were fine.  Since we are concentrating on his having Chemo, the fructosamine test can wait.

Ziggy still has her cough, but it's not as severe.  The Bisolvon works to break up the mucus, but turns her into a very sleepy cat.  And when that happens Wing wrings his hands in worry.  Today, Ziggy has only had one coughing episode, and it was over in less than a minute.  If she has another, we will dose her with the Bisolvon, and she will end up sleeping the night through.  As long as she isn't in any discomfort, is eating, drinking, and doing other cat things, she will stay with us.  We know time is limited, but we will love her as long as she is with us.

Vet report on Keito

Vet report on Keito - the vet was very pleased at Keito's recovery. Not only has the surgical site healed perfectly, our moggie has put on some weight. He should be seeing how much he's been catching up on missed meals.

Regarding the diagnosis of lymphoma: There are three treatments.

We could just treat the symptoms, which would suppress them a while, and it will come raging back in 3 to 6 months.

Another option: there is a treatment for small cell lymphoma. It does work, but it's toxic. Keito doesn't have small cell lymphoma. So gave that one the flick.

Third option: It's the most used one. It has a 25% chance of cure (wishful thinking) and a 75% chance of a 1 to 3 (or longer)  year remission. The protocol is given by weight, so his low weight isn't an issue. AND because the lymphoma was caught early, gives him a damned good chance of remission. We have chosen option three. The vet said I have reasonable expectations. Sure, a cure would be great, but that is a slim chance. He said remission is very likely.

Also discussed Ziggy and her coughing. We were given the name of an OTC cough remedy that would work to break up the mucus. It's not a cure, but it will help her breathing. As long as she eats, does other cat things, and her gums are pink and her ears are pink and warm, she will stay with us.