Was getting ready for the day

Which includes session with my counselor, and had included session with Simon the Sadist. His session has been rescheduled at Wing 's convenience.

But as I was getting ready, I heard a slight scrabbling in the back of the closet. I irrationally looked at the Keito cuddle clone, looked back at where the noise was coming from, said his name and the clothing started to part. I have to admit for the briefest of moments, my illogical brain thought Keito was coming out from beneath the hanging clothes.  It wasn't of course, it was Groo-bear. I looked back at the cuddle clone, and burst into quiet tears. Quiet because if I make so much as a peep, I get helicoptered.

Stayed in room for about 15 minutes. It's been not even 4 years since an arrogant vet gave me the wrong instructions, even though I had asked him more than twice "Are you sure?"

Façade of sanity re-establish, but the shell is thin. Very thin

Different brace is good

It goes to mid-thigh, instead of almost into the groin, to mid-calf, with one of the straps above the shelf of the calf, so it can be secured into place.

It has a lockable hinge, which has it's good point and it bad. 

The Good: It keeps my knee from bending, holding it in a straight position, not putting any strain on the injured area.  The hinges can be unlocked, allowing for easier sitting (ie in the car, or in the TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN ROOM)

The Bad: After a while, though, I get itchy under it. The "Bane of Neoprene".  And there's one spot hook end Velcro that chafes on the inside of my right leg if I don't get it on just right.  And it's very tiring to get about. Crutches, cane, they help, but still tiring.

In 9 days, I get an ultrasound guided injection in the joint. Yes, it will have some local anesthetic, but it's still gonna f**king hurt like hell going in.

Why is it everything that is wrong with me and has to be tested/treated, it's in very painful ways? 

And right now, I am a bit 'touchy'.  Anniversary of losing Mister Meow-Gi, aka Keito coming up fast.  My heart still hurts over losing him the way I did. 

Yesterday, I cleaned out "Ziggy's Corner".

I had been putting it off because it felt like I was erasing her. But Ziggy can never be erased, or forgotten.

I moved some of her things, and got into the corner behind the footstool. And in the corner I found at least 20 small batteries. AAs, AAAs, single use, rechargeable.
The little wench had been hoarding them! I laughed through the tears as I cleared out her 'treasure trove'.
Now we know why she was always with her butt in the air, on the edge of the footstool, rummaging around in the corner.
What I didn't realize how much having just that much of her history with us cleared away would hurt today.  Finding her toys, some with her fur and scent still on them.
I miss her... and I miss Keito. But I didn't know I'd miss them this much.  Maybe it's because losing two in a month to the day was a bit to take.

Next episode of what passes as my life

Yesterday, I saw Mr. S, the osteo surgeon who replaced my worn out right knee.  The right knee replacement is great, and even though I still have some pain from the operated on compartment syndrome, all is ok with it.

Left knee..  *sigh*  bends back and forth ok, but it also moves left to right too easily.  That means the osteo-arthritis is getting worse, and I'm losing knee stability.  And today, unlike other times, my left knee fekking HURTS.  Have compression/support bandage on it.  Between that and pain meds, I'm able to walk somewhat normally.  I did have to order another compression bandage, as the velcro on the one I'm using is worn out and tends to let go.  So, the time of LTKR is coming closer. Just not yet.

Today was appointment with D, my counselor.  Because of pain meds, I was all over the place.  But I was able to focus on the one thing that is stressing me out;  tomorrow, Trance and Loki get home visit by the vet, and Loki gets boxed up to get his teeth cleaned. He really needs it, as he has really bad breath.  If the vet that gave wrong advise that caused Keito's death shows up, I will show him the door.  Call out fee be damned.

Also, discussed the possibility of getting another purrkid.  She said the way we love animals, and how much they mean to us, there is probably no way we won't, when we're heart healed and read, get another rescue or two.  I personally would love a 'house panther', or maybe a bonded pair looking to be re-homed together.  Just not yet... not ready. I, and Loki, are still in mourning over Keito's sudden death.

I tried

I tried to take the dress I wore during Keito's last moments with me out of the closet to wash.  Even after a month, it smelled like him, and I just burst into tears.  I couldn't do it. I held it to my face, and could smell him. The tears just started rolling. Typing this through salty goggles right now.

I can't bring myself to wash it, just like i can't bring myself to wash the blankets I made a bed out of for him. 

I miss him. 

I miss you.

I miss you. I catch myself watching and waiting for you to come out of your hidey-hole in the closest.  Or waiting for you to come into the bathroom when I'm 'busy', to demand pats and pets. Looking for you in the window, 'solar charging'.

I miss the feel of your light landing on the bed, and the delicate way you would start walking up my foot, ankle, leg, hip, side, to sit on my arm/shoulder to bat and paff me on the cheek, or nose. Or to gently bite my cheek, purring so hard
. 
I miss you peeking at me over the curtain, meowing because it was "Time to eat!".  I miss that when you were standing at the side door, you would look at my reflection, right into my eyes, and know that was me, meow to be let out to sit on your cushion. I miss you knocking on the door to be let back in. I miss you meeping at me when I said "Echo, bedroom light on" thinking I was talking to you.

I miss how you never left my side when I was sick, or would stay with me after I got home from being at the hospital, and how you would let me 'cry in your fur' when I was down.

I miss you in a myriad of small ways, that has left a hole in me, that will take a long time to heal.

I miss you.

#keito

Silver linings aren't always great

Had the MRI on my left knee after an exam by Mr S (osteo surgeon)

My silver lining is this: if it wasn't for the lack of sensitivity/feeling in my left leg because of spinal surgery 9+ years ago and the nerve damage occurring when the disc collapsed, requiring said surgery, I would be in considerable pain.

You see, my left knee is bone on bone, with the small exception of an itty bitty piece of meniscus on the outside left of the knee. The weight bearing inside right of the knee.. it's gone.   I also have nothing but serous fluid behind my knee cap.  Yup, I need another knee replacement.

So, my 'silver lining' is preventing me from feeling pain.  Mr S said I would know when it's time.  Right now, I can get around without much of a problem. And since I am still struggling with the nerve pain, and recovery from the surgery for the compartment syndrome, I'm rather grateful for my dead-ish feeling leg.

On happy/sad news, I got a stainless steel bracelet for "Keito's Heart Pendant".   I also had his fur filled pendant engraved with a small ornate K and Ziggy's fur filled pendant engraved with an equally ornate Z.  I'm still crying about the loss of Ziggy and Keito.  Last week, I got tired of waiting for the mythical "time" to be found to help me, so dug a hole in the back yard, sprinkled some of both Keito and Ziggy's ashes in it, and planted a young rosemary shrub.  I cried my eyes out afterward.  I miss them more than I thought I would, especially Keito. 

Keito is home

I've placed the toy mice he would hoard, and the laser pointer that gave him so many hours of play time trying to catch the red bug next to his urn.  My heart is both breaking and numb at the same time. 

RIP Keito

Keito, my 'babykitty', who I have had since he was 5 weeks old, is gone. We helped him cross the rainbow bridge at 11:38pm, October 5, 2019.

This morning is the first time I haven't greeted by him. I wasn't followed into the bathroom, my glasses ear pieces weren't snogged and chewed on, my fingers weren't licked and nibbled on, and my jewelry/watch cheek rubbed on.  I miss his sound, his silky soft fur, and his calm loving personality.

He was mine and I was his.  I feel as if I've had a limb removed, or a big chunk of my heart.  I think part of me has died inside as well.

Keito, aka Mister Meow-Ge, aka The Purrminator isn't well

A few weeks ago, after a bout of chemo therapy, the vet told us to just feed Keito whatever he wanted, when he wanted.   I wish I had known he hadn't read Keito’s entire medical history, because that was probably the worst possible instructions to give us.  I thought he knew Keito was diabetic, and instructed accordingly.

What 1 week of following his instructions was Keito going into acute hyperglycemia, on top of being treated for lymphoma. He spent a week at the vet, and he was doing so well. Alert, active, after insulin, and IV glucose, and regular feeding.   But what we weren't told is that what that did to his diabetes is made it uncontrollable.

We have brought him home for the weekend, according to Dr J, to say goodbye, to get or last cuddles and loves in, because she believes Keito is just giving up.

But when we brought him home, he demanded to be fed, and even though he only ate half of the cat food we gave him, he chowed down on the fresh roasted chicken I gave him.  This morning, it was the same routine, my legs swung out of bed, and he was there snogging my toes, meowing, following me into the bathroom, pestering me while I was... umm sitting to pet him, causing him to slide all over the tile floor.

He then followed me out to the kitchen, demanding to be fed, ate about half of the food that was given, but two hours later ate some more.  Then I got some cuddle time with him. Relaxing, purring and drooling.

He's not ready to do, no matter what Dr J thinks or said.  I'm hoping for the best though, but preparing for the worst, in case this bright behavior of his is just the final spark of the loving being  that is our beloved Keito.

Keito, two plus weeks post op

He's definitely put some weight back on. He no longer has bony face/cheeks.  Also, his back doesn't feel like a stegosaurus, meaning weight gain. Called South Street Vet to postpone Keito's fructosamine test, as he was at the vet overnight a few times the past month, and his BGLs were fine.  Since we are concentrating on his having Chemo, the fructosamine test can wait.

Ziggy still has her cough, but it's not as severe.  The Bisolvon works to break up the mucus, but turns her into a very sleepy cat.  And when that happens Wing wrings his hands in worry.  Today, Ziggy has only had one coughing episode, and it was over in less than a minute.  If she has another, we will dose her with the Bisolvon, and she will end up sleeping the night through.  As long as she isn't in any discomfort, is eating, drinking, and doing other cat things, she will stay with us.  We know time is limited, but we will love her as long as she is with us.

Vet report on Keito

Vet report on Keito - the vet was very pleased at Keito's recovery. Not only has the surgical site healed perfectly, our moggie has put on some weight. He should be seeing how much he's been catching up on missed meals.

Regarding the diagnosis of lymphoma: There are three treatments.

We could just treat the symptoms, which would suppress them a while, and it will come raging back in 3 to 6 months.

Another option: there is a treatment for small cell lymphoma. It does work, but it's toxic. Keito doesn't have small cell lymphoma. So gave that one the flick.

Third option: It's the most used one. It has a 25% chance of cure (wishful thinking) and a 75% chance of a 1 to 3 (or longer)  year remission. The protocol is given by weight, so his low weight isn't an issue. AND because the lymphoma was caught early, gives him a damned good chance of remission. We have chosen option three. The vet said I have reasonable expectations. Sure, a cure would be great, but that is a slim chance. He said remission is very likely.

Also discussed Ziggy and her coughing. We were given the name of an OTC cough remedy that would work to break up the mucus. It's not a cure, but it will help her breathing. As long as she eats, does other cat things, and her gums are pink and her ears are pink and warm, she will stay with us.

Take another little piece of my heart out

Keito was xrayed and a mass was seen in his gut.  Surgery was scheduled immediately
He came though the surgery just fine. There was a 6cm necrotic blockage in his intestine. It had ruptured slightly, which is what caused the infection, and what was quashing his appetite. The blockage was removed, an extra 4cms from either end of the resection removed to get clean margins, and stitched back together. A swollen lymph node near the blockage was removed just to be safe.
Kidneys, liver, spleen heart, lungs, all good.  Pristine was the word the vet used.

Sent the blockage off to pathology for testing.  The results.  Keito has lymphoma. Don't know what stage it is, or how involved it is. Will be seeing vet tomorrow to discuss palliative care (low doses of presnidone ) vs chemo.

I'm gutted, because the surgical vet said he did open the mass and it didn't look like any sort of cancer he had ever seen.
First Ziggy, with lung cancer, and now Keito, Mister Meow-Gi, the Purrminator? 

Ziggy Update (and other sundries)

Ziggy seems to be holding her own.  Instead of feeding her twice a day, been giving her small meals throughout the day.  Still pinning hopes on the CBD oil arriving soon enough to be of use to her. I gave her a catnip leaf, and she enjoyed it. Got her to eat a bit more, and she's resting comfortably now on two heated wheat bags.

Keito:  he's had his course of antibiotics.  His eating is still hit and miss, meaning sometimes we have to follow him and put the dish of food in front of him to make him eat.  Have scheduled an appointment for him to have a glucose curve test, 7am tomorrow morning.

I know pets are ephemeral, and live faster than we humans, but having two ill, one with a terminal illness, at the same time, is breaking my heart.   I feel so helpless.

I've been getting intermittent shooting pains down the back of my thigh. Seeing as I had a spinal fusion, it's not sciatica.  Could be that I missed a few doses of my dystonia meds, and stress has been on the high side the past few weeks.  *sigh* 

Keito's not doing well

More like not quite right. He's back to being ravenous all the time, and peeing where he shouldn't.  I know diabetic cats have a problem with their bladders feeling over full, and having to empty it, but he went from doing well and normal, to constantly hungry, getting twitchy and getting glassy eyed. 

Have called the vet and made appointment for him.  They will be getting blood and urine samples, and a possible overnight stay for observation. 

Keito has turned into a cranky old man

Before dawn, I felt a nip on the back of my upper arm. This isn't anything unusual, as it's something Keito has done for years. But when he didn't get the response he wanted, he *bit* me. Hard enough to bruise and break the skin, but not hard enough to bleed.

I yelled at him, swatted at him, and told Wing to put him outside. My upper arm looks like I have a healed miniature vampire bite.

Busy and tired

Managed to get to Sculptures By The Sea at Cottesloe beach for some sunset photos.  I got one in particular that probably pissed people off standing behind me, but it was so worth it.

Funny thing happened though. A little boy, about 3 maybe 4 years old… if I had taken this shot below a few seconds earlier I would have gotten a photo of him wizzing on the  placard in front of it. Oh well, when you gotta go you gotta go. His parents took out a bottle of water and some wetwipes and cleaned it up.  Kudos to them.
.

The next day, we took Keito, our 16 yr old moggie to the vet for a dental cleaning.  There is a lot of inherent problems with putting a 16 yr old cat under anaesthesia, but he had no problem.  I was told to just offer him some water to see if he would drink and if he didn’t throw up, to give him food. 



















Really? He RAN into the kitchen and YOWLED and demanded to be fed. I gave him a little bit, and he yodelled for more. I gave him the rest of the cat, and he pretty much polished the bowl clean.  After that, I was a MEAN HUMAN, and made him resort to the kibble in his dish.
Today, I had appointment with Dr H.  Change up on medication.  No more Ativan, as the seizures seem to be under control. Going to be taking Lyrica for nerve pain.  Hoping for the best. My mother swears by it.

Just feel incredibly tired today, but it has been non-stop running around, or tension. Don’t really want to take a nap, because then I wouldn’t sleep well at night.  Conundrum!
So, I will just slog through the day as awake as I can be, and go to bed early, Purring Godlings permitting.

Up before the dawn again

Sometimes, I just can't get the right leg comfortable enough to sleep well through the night.  Was up at 4:43 am (checked my watch, so know the time is right).  Let Keito and Loki into the back yard to 'dig holes in the sand'.  Checked on Ziggy, as she and Trance had another dust up yesterday.  Once again, Trance was on the losing end of things.  Ziggy is ok, though.

Fed them all around 5:30.  Keito got his insulin on time.  Ziggy, from having to groom self after the fight with Trance, hurked up her food. Of course ON the sofa. (Preen OxyAction to the rescue)  There was a HUGE clump of fur.  After I cleaned it all up, she demanded to be fed again.  Tossed some things into the washer, and they are currently hanging out on the line.

Knee feels a bit thick and stiff this morning, but there was no sciatic pain.. at first.  But when it showed up, it did so with a vengeance. Immediately did the routine Matt gave me. First five.. gritting teeth. Second set, not so bad. By the time I had finished the 3rd set of five, the pain was manageable. Have taken pain meds, and the anti-inflammatory.

One really doesn't appreciate the absence of pain, until it hammering away at you.

Better than I expected

Don't get me wrong, I loved my Tamron 24-70 f/2.8, fast to focus, and the image quality was excellent, but I kept finding myself trying to zoom past the 70mm mark. It didn't quite have the reach.  So, instead of ruining the lens by accidentally over torquing the zoom ring, it was time to get lens with longer reach.

At PhotoExpoLive2017, I purchased the 24-105mkII.  One of the things I was concerned about was losing that one stop. Well, I didn’t have to worry because the bokeh even at f/4 on the 5D4 was great.

Canon 5DmkIV, 24-105mkII, ISO 1600, f/4, 1/60exp.  No noise reduction, edited in On1PhotoRaw 2017

Keito, still going strong!

 

“Hey! Where’s my dinner!”   If it wasn’t for him having to have an insulin shot after his morning feed, and having three scheduled feeds through the rest of the day instead of just two feeds and letting him graze on kibble, and the way he chases after “The Red Bug” aka laser dot, you wouldn’t know he was a 14yr old moggie with diabetes.  Vets have said his heart/liver/kidney/lung functions are fine. No sign of arthritis, sight and hearing is fine, and even his teeth are good conditon.