Wednesday, November 13, 2019

It takes a specialist

To see a specialist?

For 19 years I have been asking 4 different GPs to please get my records from Dr R, an endocrinologist in Florida regarding my hypothyroidism, and how it was being successfully treated in the U.S.   4 different GPs, and all I got was hemming and hawing, and my weight going up and up and up, no matter what I did.

I kept food diary for a month. 

It wasn't believed. 

I wore a pedometer for a month. 30k steps per day on average.  But still, I could get no where with my GPs to prescribe me the medication that Dr R did, or even contact Dr R for my records (I had signed a release form, so that couldn't have been the problem)

Today, after a consult with my osteo surgeon, Mr S.,  regarding bariatric surgery. I told him that I had been under the knife for the past 4 years in one way or another.  I want a gap year.  There is also the fact that I have FND, and surgery could start triggering it again.  Also, I have a history of anorexia. Turning me into an instant anorexic by get gastric sleeving done isn't a great idea.

So, I told him about Dr R, the endocrinologist in Florida.  I told Mr S the above history with my GPs, and he said again, this just won't do!  I get to fast, and get a Thyroid function test, not just testing to see if I have the Thyroxine in me.  Will also get a BGL test, too.  Once those results are in, I will be FINALLY seeing an endocrinologist!

Halli-fucking-luiah!

Monday, November 11, 2019

I tried

I tried to take the dress I wore during Keito's last moments with me out of the closet to wash.  Even after a month, it smelled like him, and I just burst into tears.  I couldn't do it. I held it to my face, and could smell him. The tears just started rolling. Typing this through salty goggles right now.

I can't bring myself to wash it, just like i can't bring myself to wash the blankets I made a bed out of for him. 

I miss him.